The One With the Brain Parasites

The One With the Brain Parasites is the first episode of All-Stars.

Story
-It’s the eighth season of Survivor, and the game has changed once again! Escorted by Panama’s entire military, 18 Americans are about to embark on the ultimate adventure. This time is different, though: each one of them has played this game before, but these All Stars are back for a second time. Our fearless host, Jeff, hangs from a helicopter as he explains that three different boats are carrying three different tribes to three different camps. The cameras pan across these boats, giving us our first glimpse of the contestants.

During this intro, we hear the first words of the following players...

Elisabeth: “I was devastated when I lost in Australia, but God had better plans for me. Now, I’m married to the love of my life, I’m working my dream job at The View. The only thing that could make my life better is being crowned Sole Survivor.”

Ethan (who is sporting a t-shirt that reads “Sorry ladies, I suck d***”): “Last time I was dealing with a lot of personal issues, and Survivor helped me work those out. This time, it’s no more Nice Ethan, I’m ready to get down and dirty and win a million dollars.

Richard: “I’m the original Survivor winner, I’m the Survivor King. I invented this game, everyone else that came after, they’re just copying me. And If you thought you saw cockiness and arrogance before, you haven’t seen anything.”

Sean: “With everyone already knowing how the game is played, it’s about to get real nasty real quick. All I can say is...stay tune.”

Jenna: “When I got the call to come out here again, I asked myself, can I really leave my two babies to pursue a pipe dream of winning some crazy game show? And the answer is of course I could! There’s more layers to me than the single mom, or the overly talkative one, and America’s going to see all of me this time.”

Sandra: “I’m the new girl. Everyone else knows each other’s games, but they don’t know me. But they’ll know me at the end when I’m cashing that second million-dollar check.”

As the boats continue their journey, Probst reminds us that only ONE can win, as his chopper flies off into the distance, and the opening credits play.

-Saboga gets off their boat and finds that they’ve been given very meager supplies: a pot, a machete, and a map to water. Jenna Lewis confesses she loves her tribe: Ryan and Sean are on her level, Sonja is a perfect ally, and as for Jerri and Silas, they’re the first two boots. “It’s so easy to convince the others to get rid of the winners.” The entire tribe walks to the water source to check it out, but the well water is murky and definitely not potable. Jerri confesses that the water here has horrible brain parasites that can put you in a coma! Despite this, Sonja dips a coconut half in and begins to slurp away, to the horror of everyone else. Jenna tries to slap it out of her hands but Sonja ignores her and the everyone else’s pleas. She confesses that she’s eaten enough “stank pussy” that a little bit of parasite water won’t hurt her.

-The members of Chapera arrive at their beach, and Hunter confesses that seeing Penny on his tribe, he instantly knew she had to be the first one gone. As everyone collectively scopes out spots to build the shelter, Hunter quickly whispers to Sandra that Penny is gone first. Sandra nods and they first bump, as Sandra confesses that any name she heard that wasn’t “Sandra” she was going to agree to. The two of them get the word to Rodger, Sue, and Daniel. Penny, however, is not oblivious to their schemes. With her hair done up to form mock devil-horns, she tells the audience that she may be on the chopping block right away, but they don’t know who they’re dealing with. She’s Evil Penny and she will not just sit back and let herself be booted.

-At Mogo Mogo, Neleh confesses her excitement to be back, and that she’s ready to “kick some heck” this time and win! As everyone begins work on the shelter, Janet whispers to Elisabeth that she’s afraid of the guys are all going to team up and take out the women. Elisabeth then suggests they do an all-girl alliance, and Janet is on board. Bumbling music plays as the camera shows that Richard is literally five feet away and heard it all, and he airs out all the dirty laundry in front of the whole tribe. Robb, playing the mediator, asks everyone to put the game aside for now so they can build a kickass shelter and win so they don’t even have to worry about votes right now. Everyone agrees, however, as they all get to work, Janet gives her signature *blink* to the camera.

-At Chapera, the tribe has taken a break from the shelter to try to work on fire. Hunter is scraping two pieces of wood together while Rodger blows on some coconut husk between them. There’s a lot of smoke, but no fire yet. Daniel offers to help because he’s “handled some wood before” but no one finds his joke funny. Hunter confesses that he’s frustrated because other than Rodger, no one seems to be serious about fire. We see Susan looking on at their efforts, and she confesses that the fire thing is a waste of time, but Hunter has to be Mr. Macho, so she’ll let him be the leader until he crashes and burns.

-As night falls, Saboga is having trouble sleeping, so the tribe stays up and talks about their lives since being on Survivor. Jerri says the money has helped her travel the world, going to many different cities, collecting many lovers. Silas says he’s settled down and is raising his daughter with his wife. Jenna confesses that Jerri’s and Silas’s lives sound so wonderful, and of course they are, they won a million dollars. It’s someone else’s turn to win, so they need to get the hell off her playing field. Ryan next talks about how devastated he was after the Amazon, but he picked himself up, and now he has a new girlfriend back home, Nejat. Sean makes a face at the camera, and in confessional says, “New girlfriend...riiiiight.” As the rest of the tribe falls asleep, Jenna whispers to Ryan she wants to align. Ryan is on board, and without the others seeing, the two shake on it. Jenna confesses that in Borneo, she didn’t make any alliances, so this time she’s going to beat everyone to the punch, night 1.

-The following morning, Mogo Mogo tries but fails to get fire using the “bow method.” Robb confesses how worried he is, because without fire, they can’t drink water, and that will kill them in the challenges. Richard has decided to make himself at home by stripping off his clothes. Neleh sees him in the water, realizes what’s up, and says, “Oh my heck, you’re naked!” Neleh confesses that she thinks RIch does what he does for attention. Everyone wants to take him out because he’s the king...but what fun would that be if he’s first out? Elisabeth is absolutely disgusted by Richard’s display, lamenting that she can see his “devil’s torpedo.” Janet agrees with Elisabeth to her face, but in confessional, accompanied by more bumbling music, she tells the audience that Richard gets her very moist and if he weren’t a homosexual she’d be all over him like green on grass. She’s not the only one turned on, as Ethan confesses that Richard is a “hot daddy” and he’s into that. Ethan takes Rich aside and offers him an alliance, which Rich accepts. Ethan confesses that he’s aligning with Rich because he’s gorgeous...any idiot can see that.

-At Chapera camp, an argument has broken out between Penny and Hunter. Hunter is adamant about getting fire today, because water is essential. Penny, however, is complaining about what a terrible night’s sleep she got, and thinks they should spend time improving the shelter. Hunter says that’s stupid, they have a shelter, it’s time for fire now. Penny finally throws her hands up and takes a walk alone. She confesses that things are bad right now, but she’s going to find a way to take Hunter down a notch.

-Immunity Challenge: Quest for Fire: Probst brings Chapera in first, and asks how Survivor is treating them this time around. Hunter explains they have shelter, but no fire, so they’re very thirsty. Probst introduces them to some of their competition, as Saboga steps on their mat. Sue confesses she was happy to see Sonja...but on the other tribe. She loves her, but she’s too difficult to be in an alliance with. Finally, Probst surprises everyone by bringing in Mogo, the third tribe. Ryan notes that seeing Janet on the other tribe didn’t phase him: he’s got his girl back home, and Janet’s not going to get in his head this time. Ethan, however, is very upset over Silas on Saboga. He confesses that Silas screwed him last time, and if he has anything to say about it, Silas will be out sooner rather than later.

-In an homage to the very first Survivor challenge, the three tribes must swim their raft to shore, then push it underneath a bamboo structure, all while lighting torches along the way. The first two tribes to finish win Immunity. Chapera starts out behind, as Rodger still hasn’t learned to swim, and while they try to catch up at the bamboo, Mogo Mogo places first with Saboga not too far behind.

-At Chapera, Hunter gathers Sue, Daniel, and Sandra, and tells them he thinks Rodger has to go first. Everyone is quick to agree. Daniel confesses he feels terrible, because Rodger is a wonderful guy, but they can’t keep losing. Hunter takes it upon himself to inform Penny that she will be spared. He takes her into the woods, and lets her know that she should vote Rodger, but she’s on thin ice with the tribe. Penny confesses that she can’t believe how dumb Hunter is being by telling her all this. She politely thanks him for “sparing” her, and Hunter walks off.

-Penny comes out of the woods looking like she’s been sobbing. She approaches Daniel and asks if she can speak to him alone. Extremely upset, she informs Daniel that Hunter tried to kiss her in the woods! She goes on to say that Hunter threatened her by saying if she doesn’t do what he says, she’ll be the next one voted out. Daniel is in shock at what he’s hearing, and tries his best to comfort a now-crying Penny. Daniel promises her they’re going to do something about it. Daniel relays Penny’s story to Sue, and he insists they must flip the vote on Hunter tonight. Sue is hesitant, and confesses that she feels bad for Penny, but this time around, she’s not letting emotions and friendships blind her. She’s only going to vote what’s best for herself. The tribe’s decision is left ambiguous as they head to Tribal Council.

-Rain pours down on Chapera during Jeff’s questioning, and everyone begins trying to catch rain in their hands and buffs, desperate for water. Hunter talks about how this game will be different, as everyone knows who’s dangerous and who’s not. Daniel pipes in, however, that people can change, and someone you thought you know may surprise you. In the end, Rodger gets one vote, but the tribe unanimously boots Hunter. As he gets his torch snuffed, Penny flashes her signature evil smile, proud of claiming the first of hopefully many victims.

Hunter’s Final Words: “I have no idea what happened between making the plan to boot Rodger and Tribal Council, but I have no doubt in my mind it was all Penny’s fault. Those other four are incredibly stupid if they don’t see her as the biggest threat, and they’re going to feel even more stupid in a few days when they’re dying of thirst.”